Green MBA Program Saves Energy With Fewer Employees
Often considered to be at the cutting edge of the green business field, the Presidio Graduate School has once again, come up with a fairly unbelievable strategy to reduce greenhouse gas emissions while also saving the institution thousands of dollars in operating expenses.
How do they do it?
Well, it's complicated but, in general, the strategy revolves around a bone-crushing, top-down management approach to frustrating the school's well-intended and hard working staff. The goal is to eventually push staff to the point that they leave the school to find new jobs at other organizations.
How does making staff quit save energy?
Each staff member typically uses a desktop computer for 8 hours each day of the work week which generates the equivalent of .5 metric tons of CO2 annually. When you consider the fact that the school is now approaching a 70% employee turnover rate each year, these savings sure do add up!
But, how does the school operate without employees?
Herein lies the true innovation in Presidio's amazing new program. As more staff leave, the responsibilities they leave behind get shifted to the remaining staff. This results in even further increases in workload per employee which results in increased amounts of stress in the lives of the remaining employees. Making the jobs of remaining staff more difficult pushes that staff member closer to the point of wanting to quit. So, a cycle begins that actually accelerates the growth of the program.
Estimates from Bloomberg indicate that eventually the school will operate with zero emissions once all staff are gone and all that remains is the energy used by the school's server to run Moodle which, inside sources say will be offset through carbon credits.
Climate Change Causes the Migration of Presidio Faculty, Board and President
Over the past year, a climate-induced mass exodus has stripped the Presidio Graduate School of key members.
Increased threats of drought, rising sea levels and growing resource scarcity have caused a massive migration of Presidio Graduate School faculty, board members and staff over the past year. Like other charismatic megafauna, Presidio administrators have been pushed to the brink through being faced with an exhausted resource base and limited capacity for survival in their threatened habitat regions.
In response to these critical habitat threats, Presidio administrators have flocked to harrowing travels away from the Presidio Community in what has become a dramatic exodus. The EPA is currently reviewing a court order, filed by an angry C2 part-time student to list Presidio Administrators on the United States Endangered Species List.
Eager Students Await the Announcement for the Band Name!
"Presidio Gold: So, what's all this business about not talking about business?
Source #1: Oh, it's business alright.
Source #2: Yeah, we're in the business of starting a band!"
A direct expert from an anonymous source from two male C9 students, one who is really tall and funny and the other who has a big mustache.
This past week, Presidio students rolled up their sleeves and dug into the difficult challenge of selecting a name for the institution's latest endeavor...a student/faculty jam band. Despite the fact that we have an economic system in crisis and despite the fact that we are on the cusp of a historic vote on national health care reform, students and faculty alike found the time to engage in a rigorous debate over what to call their line up.
At Presidio Gold, we've been following the story closely and we recently got the inside scoop from an anonymous source that although the name is still up in the air, they can confirm that that there's 13 guitar players, 2 didgeridoos, 3 harmonicas, 19 singers and 24 tambourine players. The last time this many musicians got together, was the We Are The World benefit effort in 1985.
Yes, flooding your inbox with a flurry of emails about starting a band is rather unconventional in a business school environment. But it's like the Presidio Marketing team always says, "this is a place for unconventional thinkers." And I guarantee you, this won't be just any old, conventional band.
Me, I'm buying front row tickets.
Why be in Business When you can be in a Band?
Amidst third semester cramming for presentations, midterms and case study write-ups, that wacky crew of Presidiots has done it again!...and this time, they're doing it with trombones, trumpets and color guards!
Last semester's flurry of community discussion on what to wear for a stakeholder meeting has finally been surpassed by the high volume discussion among the Presidio Community as the stakeholders take to the streets one more time. This time, they're talking about starting a band...now that's some serious business!
Hip Hip, Hooray!
Moodle is Now On Twitter!
ATTENTION ALL STUDENTS: If you want to find out whether or not Moodle is working, you no longer need to try and log on. That's right, you can now find out whether Moodle is up or down by simply checking in on Twitter.
If you haven't been staying up on the 19,000 emails that came out last week on The Presidio Network, you may not have realized that Moodle is now on Twitter!
To add to the discussion, simply tag your tweets with #moodleisbrokenagain.
The Pulse Steals Presidio's Sat. Night Thunder
Presidio's self proclaimed "reformed" ex-CEO pulled out all the stops last weekend to try to win back the hearts of the community. In a brilliantly orchestrated coup he teamed up with some of the most sought after talent in the community and put on a one-night only dance extravaganza, literally one door down from Presidio's official Saturday night event. Most Presidians showed up totally unprepared for such a passionate come-back attempt by their former leader, but one look at the poster was apparently all they needed to decide how they were going to spend their social capital that evening. One student described Seyed's Pulse as "simply irresistible", another as "the best steakholder meeting ever!" In terms of attendance, there was no contest.
The administration is said to be in a tizzy about what to do for next residency's event, now that their old captain is on the loose and on a roll.
Area Janitor Finds Letter of Resignation
A late night janitor working an evening shift recently found this letter in a trash can in the Presidio Administrative office area. Seeing that the letter should be in the recycle bin, he picked out the letter and was surprised by what he saw....
Presidio Students Hit Hollywood with Some Serious PRESIDIO GOLD!
That's right readers, Presidio Gold is back for some more triple-bottom line action and what better way to kick the semester off than a proud announcement about the acting accomplishments from some of our esteemed colleagues. During a recent winter break, it seems that a number of Presidio students took the star-studded sidewalks of Hollywood and landed themselves some pretty sweet acting gigs in some of Hollywood's most highly anticipated sequels. And the nominees are.....
Brandon Bosch in, "Gangs of New York Part 2" as Bill the Butcher's fountain soda obsessed estranged son.
Matthew Homyak as John "Hannibal" Smith in, "The A Team: The Final Cigar."
Ryan Kushner continues the adventure in the exciting follow up to Brad Pitt's original hollywood blockbuster hit in the much awaited, "17 days in Nicaragua."
c10'er Will Hutchinson goes full-time in the season's most emotional movie yet as he dances across the screen in, "Babe II: A little Marin Pig Goes A Long Way."
James Rodgers makes a truly fantastic debut in the follow up to Marvel Comics' 2005 smash hit with a stunning portrayal of THING in the soon-to-be smash-hit, "Fantastic Four Returns: THING's Got Smooth Skin Now!"
Depends Adult Brief Stock Prices Soar as C12 Buckles Down for What's in Store!
Stock prices of Depends Adult Briefs soared on NASDAQ yesterday as C12 buckled down for what is sure to be a semester of Presidio surprises. Students rushed the market late yesterday, buying up entire shelves of the "go-to" underwear goods, seeking protection from those embarrassing moments. Day 1 of Residency #1 held presented some potentially very embarrassing moments for the new cohort and there were a number of near disasters as students were alarmed to find out that they were now attending classes in a downtown shopping mall. With EMCA up next, there's sure to be some startling moments that could potentially lead to all sorts of in-class leaks as C12 students learn the realities of bladder intelligence.
CBS announces landmark decision on it's new late night talk show, "What'd you say, Seyed???"
In a recent town hall meeting, CBS has announced it's plans to scrap both Leno and O'Brien in exchange for a hit new show starring a relatively unknown name on the late night scene. Up-and-coming stakeholder czar, Seyed Amiry has landed a deal with CBS to launch his new show, "What'd you Say, Seyed???" More details are expected soon from the network regarding the show's format and proposed guests.
Enroll Now in our new, Online MBA and receive an audiobook...FREE!
Enroll now in our Online MBA Degree Program!...with prices this low, we're practically giving them away! And if you join today, we'll even throw in a free exclusive audiobook. That's right, for simply enrolling today, we'll throw in a digital copy of Van Jones reading Sarah Palin's new tell-all tale of her 2008 vice presidential campaign in what is sure to be 2009's most popular holiday read. "Going Rogue" just got more interesting in this exclusive edition where former Green Jobs Czar Van Jones reads Palin's poetic prose.
Events in Review: Sunday's Town Hall
Sunday's Town Hall Meeting took a strange turn into the realm of the bizarre when school administrators responded to student concerns that, "...our ship is sinking" by offering the community a free showing of the 1997 blockbuster hit, "Titanic" starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet.
Rosetta Stone of Leadership Discovered
Researchers just found what appears to be the Rosetta Stone of Leadership Fundamentals. The tablets clearly outline the formerly secret Path to Ridiculously Powerful Leadership. The discovery was made one evening by a janitor at Ft. Mason, just sitting in the back of a classroom used by Leadership students at an upstart graduate school earlier that day. It is still unclear why the school left such a treasure unguarded.
YOU'RE INVITED! To Presidio's 1st Annual All-You-Can-Eat SteakHolder Buffet!
We're proud to announce that you're all invited to The Presidio World School for Manager's First Annual, "All-You-Can-Eat SteakHolder Buffet! This Sunday, we'll be serving up hot and delicious frameworks for transparency, sweet and tasty rules for engagement and oh yeah, don't forget to stop by the listening bar for side orders of constructivist listening.
This luncheon is sure to be a steakholder's dream come true!
"It's Decided, We'll Go With the Face Paint!"
In preparation for the upcoming residency, students at Le Presidio Management School of World Graduate Sustainability have decided to show solidarity through matching attire. After much debate, a recent statement was released to the community's community which stated, "...enough debate folks, we'll go with the face paint!"
This coming residency, you can expect to see a collage of starry-skied faces nestled beneath elaborate headdresses of wild fowl feathers throughout the hallways of Ft. Mason. Chiseled abs and two black hand prints on the upper torso will be displayed as a symbol of foundational strength beneath side by side collaboration.
Faculty Fired for Pronounciation of "Tomato" [tuh-mey-toh]
A long-time faculty member at the World Presidio College of Triple Bottom Business has been asked to step down, based on his pronunciation of "tomato" [tuh-mey-toh]. In a recent announcement by the administration, "tomato" is to be pronounced [tuh-mah-toh] by all core staff and faculty. The pronunciation of "tomato" has been at the foundation of disagreements and differences between the administration and certain faculty for quite some time. However, the conversation escalated during an all-staff luncheon in which a long-term faculty member asked upper management to please pass the "tuh-mey-toh's" while adding fixings to their sandwich. The school's board has called an emergency meeting to formalize an agreement on the required pronunciation. Inside sources have indicated, "puh-tey-toh...you're next!"
Books In Review: The Extraordinary Ladder
What makes a GOOD ladder a truly GREAT ladder?
Are great ladders born or, can any old ladder become a great ladder?
In this groundbreaking new book, Zenger & Folkman address these critical questions in the field of home repair. Zenger & Folkman's new book carefully lays 16 Steps to Becoming an Extraordinary Ladder and provides a deep dive into how ladders can effectively empower others to climb to greatness. On sale now at Home Depot and ACE Hardware stores nationwide.
Green MBAs are Now Ready for Delivery!
MBA's To-Go! Available now.
MBA's To-Go are available now at Cooks & Company in Ft. Mason's Building B. In an effort to increase market share, Cooks & Company has launched an innovative product to compete against industry leader, Greens-To-Go. You thought the lunchtime lines were long last residency? Dawg, you have not seen anything yet! The line just got longer with this fresh and delicious pre-packaged cirriculum.Don't want to worry about having to work directly with people but want to be a business leader?
Well, Cooks & company has the solution: MBA in a Box! Sign up, log-in, and start clicking your way to a Green MBA...available worldwide! Affordable, nutritious, and best of all, AVAILABLE ONLINE!
Signed, sealed and delivered fresh to your keyboard.
Entire C11 Class Reported Lost
An entire cohort of newly enrolled students at the Presidio Graduate School has been reported missing. Some of them were last sighted on a Tuesday afternoon wondering around the abandoned buildings of Ft. Mason, where Presidio reportedly holds class sometimes.
People close to the aforementioned say that they were struggling with a "lost" feeling on many fronts, spanning class deliverables, room assignments, town hall meetings, something called Moodle (which some were heard talking about in their sleep), campus location adjustments, the name of the school and even the concept of 'sustainable business'. All the pressure seems to have built up over the course of their first semester and erupted just before finals, causing the entire class to vanish.
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